Last night Scotty and I attended a memorial service. As we sat in the standing room only PACKED sanctuary of our church I looked around at all the sad facing mourning the loss of a friend, a cousin, a son, a grandson, a student, a brother, a child.
Our pastor sent out an urgent email this time last week asking for prayer for his family, as they'd found out that their 20 year old son had taken his life.
At the service last night we listened as the family talked about Jordan's accomplishments, inner struggles, and love for his family and friends. What an amazing person he must have been.
His parents raised him to be a strong, intelligent, Christ-loving, outgoing kid. Looking in to their life I'd say they did everything "right." SO, the question I kept asking myself was "WHY?"
Then, just like He was sitting in front of me, God said to me, "'Why' isn't important. What's important for you to know is that YOU can't make a perfect child."
I'm such a perfectionist. Even typing this post is grueling to me because I feel the need for everything to be perfect. Every day I wear myself out trying to keep my house clean, my kids looking adorable, and my life all in order. If, at the end of the day I look back, I can always find something that I didn't do a good job at; I yelled too much at Olivia, I didn't respect my husband, I didn't get the floor mopped.
My perfectionism doesn't stop there. I work really hard to teach my kids the right things. I tell them all about Jesus, show them right from wrong, correct them when they misbehave, and discipline them so that they don't make the same mistake again.
But, what happened last night for me, amid the sadness(and happiness-because Jordan is in heaven) of the memorial service, was that I learned that no matter how much I work at being the best parent I can, my job is to give my sweet blessings(my kids) right back to their maker.
HE and ONLY HE is in complete control of my kids. He's had them in His hand since before they were born. At some point, our kids will take on their own personality, they'll make friends, they'll decide what they believe for themselves. Not just what I've taught them; they'll make up their OWN belief system.
So, I'll do my best-I'll keep my focus on Christ and let everything else fall into place, and at the end of the day, I'll look back and know that my best was good enough. That God is in control-not me. That my kids need me to help them, but I CAN NOT make them perfect.
I love this post, Leslie! That is so true!! WE spent so much time trying to protect them and trying to make sure everything is "perfect" that we occasionally forget where we obtain the true perfection. I work on this everyday. Learning to live and let things go that need to be let go, but holding on tight to the right things. :) Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeletehey girl! good to see ya in the blog world. this post is a great reminder. i've been struggling with fear lots this week-over things i cannot control-. trying to remind myself of truth though.
ReplyDeleteI literally just got through having a similar conversation with someone. God taught us this early on when I miscarried and then when Cayle was 6 weeks old and was in the hospital for possible meningitis. I was horrified and trying desperately in my will to make it all right. But I can't. Only He can. They belong to Him. I belong to Him. All I can do is pray that God would use my mess-ups for His glory, that He would make what I do wrong, right. And that He would protect Cayle and Alaya from Dwayne and I when we mess up. And I pray for their salvation, daily.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say I get you. I also want to say to you, "Be free." Know that you can rest in Him and His perfect plan and love. His will, will prevail and it is good and perfect. Share this with me sometime later when I need the reminder okay? :)