The Truth Is...

I keep getting on my blog to update the world with what's been going on with us, but the truth is every time I do I feel overwhelmed with how far behind I am on here. It's been WAY too long, and I've missed a LOT. Another truth is that I bought a new computer, and while I love a lot of what it does I HATE sorting through photos on it, and it makes trying to post photos on here nearly impossible. I'm thankful for the provision of a computer, but I should really take the time to try and figure this thing out because I'm limited to what I can actually do on the silly thing! Ehh, at least it has a touch screen...
Also, the truth is that we aren't doing so great. While I always try to be real on my blog, there are only so many times that you can write that it's been a tough year. We've had financial struggles due to the yo-yoing of private practice, heartache, loneliness, sadness, sick kids, kids going to public school, kids getting their heart broken, kids with attitude problems, the list goes on and on. I am fully aware that our trials are minuscule in relation to the trials of others, and I am in no way trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me, only stating that it's been tough, and sharing our nutso life with the world isn't really high on my list of things to do. I want to be honest, but honestly, there are some things I really don't want to have lingering over my head on the Internet for the rest of time.  I've struggled with how to say what I'd like to say for a long time. Honestly, there are a lot of things I'd like to share, but proper words just won't come to me, so I take that as the Lord being my filter of sorts. Ha!
I haven't really done a whole lot of blogging since Christmas, so I think I'll just highlight a few things that have happened since then.

• In January we put the three big girls in public school. It hasn't been what I wanted it to be, and honestly, I'm not really all that pleased with how things are going. The girls are all doing fine, and have really liked a lot about school, but I'm still feeling sad about not being their teacher. I miss them terribly, and feel like it's still not quite right. There are a lot of things I do like about it though, and one of those is that they are having a fun time and they are shining their light for all the school to see.
  

Here they are on storybook character day. Addi is Cinderella, KK is Alice, and Olivia is Josefina(the American Girl).

 

KK won the character award in February. Makes a momma proud!

The kids had a superhero night at school. Here they are sporting their looks. Yes, Eli is wearing a shirt although you can't tell! Ha! Check out the creeper behind Livi. Poor Mia was a little shy.

 

Another pic of the kids. Seriously hysterical!

 

My Lulu at her first choir concert. She's the first one on row three on the left.

• Brubbs turned FOUR! I can not believe he's already four! He's such a sweet sensitive little boy. I love his sense of adventure, and love for all things manly. He and his Daddy went to the monster truck jam for his birthday. He got a Red Rider BB gun from his Pop which he loves. All he asked for was cake and his Nana and Pop to eat lunch with us.

Here he is at his restaurant of choice with his monster truck cake.

 

With his pop shooting his gun for the first time! He is SO proud of that gun!

• Manly and I made rain gutter bookshelves. I got the idea to do them a long time ago, but never had the time or effort available to do them. Recently we've been making some simple home improvements, so I added doing this to my list and we knocked it out in an afternoon. They look BEAUTIFUL and the kids love them, and they are quite sturdy if I do say so myself. We used this tutorial, although since ours were almost nine feet long we added several more brackets than they say are required.

I added little baskets for the really heavy massive story books we have. They're just too big for any shelf really.

•  I also decided to have my hand at some of my own DIY projects I've been putting off. I'm really happy with the end results, although I don't have pics of those. Ooops!

I used my leftover lactation tea to dye my curtains. They turned out the right color and everything. Too bad tossing them into the dryer for 10 minutes to dry shrunk them up!

This poor front porch rocking chair was looking quite rough! After a few coats of red spray paint she was looking as good(better) than new! LOVE the new color and it matches my front door.

I also turned several things in my house teal. LOVE the pops of color!

 

•  I helped the girls(with Manly) make some killer Valentine's boxes! Judge if you want, but it was fun and the girls were DELIGHTED! I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Although I did make these reusable, so I stuck them into the attic at first chance so I can use them again next year!! Ha!

Addi wanted a castle, so castle she got! It looked super girly and sparkly.

KK wanted a pirate ship. Her box took us about 20 minutes. REALLY simple and FUN!

Livi did most of the work on her doggie box. It was the cutest thing! I loved her idea of using multi-color brown yarn to give it added dimension. The little pink bows on the ears just really top it off. SO cute!!! Pretty easy too! Just a box with tape and yarn.

•   Isaiah is still receiving vision therapy in Fort Smith, and we are pleased with his progress. I will say we HATE going to Fort Smith every other week. It's a total hassle, but at this point still worth it to me. I wish his Dr. would move to Conway though!!

Isaiah working through his therapy with red/green glasses. He does a lot of work with these so that it will force him to use both eyes at the same time. 

• I got a nose ring for Valentine's Day. Well, I guess it wasn't really FOR Valentine's Day, but I did get it the day after Valentine's Day. So far I like the way it looks, but it does bug me a little. I think it's mostly because I touch my nose too much! Ha! It's funny how the way some people viewed me changed. Ha! Honestly, it's something I've wanted to do for a REALLY long time. I just finally got the guts to do it! There are a lot of things like that on my list of things to do that you might see pop up. Too bad the next thing on my list is fit into a dress that I've always kept. I may NEVER get to anything else on my list. Haha! No, seriously. I like my nose ring and you should too!



• Eli is a MESS. No, like he's really a stinker! He's basically been sick since he started refusing to nurse at 4 months. Yeah, he's basically a poster child for the benefits of nursing. He's currently on a month long dose of antibiotics in hopes of flushing this nastiness out for good, but if this doesn't work, we'll be checking for immunity and allergy issues. To say the least, it's been a long several months of having a sick baby. I know it could be much worse, and I'm very thankful it's not. I am praying for healing and answers though. In the mean time he's just been as sweet as can be! In between making messes that is!

 

After he got his oatmeal bowl and basically got it EVERYWHERE!

• Mia Jane is really coming out of her shell since the girls have been in school. She has had severe shyness, but in the past three months has really bloomed. She's also REALLY smart and able to do things that blow me away. She can add, subtract, knows most of her letters and numbers, and has amazing control over her writing. This girl got her smarts from her daddy. I can't wait to see her continue to blossom this year.

My sweet girl wanted to write her name. She said, "Show me how, momma." So, I did. This is what she did afterward. Love her little Disneylike "I."

 

She reminds me so much of my sweet Livi at this age.



• Manly won the outstanding young alumnus award at our college. I am SO proud of him! He's really done well in the last few months at work. I can't wait to see what lies ahead for him. I know he'll go on to do great things. He's such a hard worker, and really great at everything he puts his hands to.

My man with his award. Looking quite cute, I might add. 

• After YEARS of waiting I finally got my Big Red!! I'm SO SO EXCITED. I jump at any chance to get to use her! She's such a bute, and so good at what she does. I'm so thankful to Manly for getting her for me!

Here she is in action making homemade butter cream icing.

 

• Manly and I will soon get to take a break and visit Dallas sans kids.
• I met a random stranger who knew who I was because she read my blog. Hi!
• Manly got a new truck! Poor guy has been driving tiny cars suitable for much smaller people than himself, so he was delighted to get to buy a big Ford Explorer. Best part is it's completely paid for. Best advice we ever took was to buy cash cars!

OK, so up next, Eli's party! Now I feel like I'm caught up enough that I can share about his party without feeling like I've skipped EVERYTHING else that happened over the last few months! Thanks for being a part of our life and for hanging in there with me while I needed a break!

 

Our Story: Hardest Year and a Half EVER

So, I should have known when we were about half way to our new home and we had a blowout that it was going to be a rough few years. Rough is actually putting it pretty nicely. It was HELL ON EARTH.

Our last picture in front of our first real home. Look at my Lulu! So sweet!!

Manly at his graduation(with highest honors I should add) with Lulu. Love this picture.

Our little family(I was pregnant with KK.).

Silly Lulu thinking that panties looked better on her head. Hahahaha!

 

We decided just to let her train herself.

My lulu learning that she LOVED farm corn! One of my all-time favorite pictures of her.

One of the last pictures of us as a family of three. This was just a few weeks before KK was born.

A little blanket swimming. Ha!

 

We moved up there on a Saturday evening, and Monday morning Manly started his job. The first few months weren't bad being a new stay-at-home-mom because I was so sick being pregnant that if I had a job I would have had to quit. I would just keep a small box of toys in the living room, and when I'd start needing to be sick I'd just bring them with me and poor Livi would play in the bathroom floor while I would LAY in the bathroom floor.
When August rolled around and Manly started school a whole new layer of trials began to come. Grad school is intense, but being in grad school and working full-time, and being a dad and husband is REALLY intense. Manly would leave at around 6:30 every morning, and not be back home until after 10pm most days. He was exhausted all the time!

Late night study. I love this picture of my man.

 

My handsome man with his caddy. Too bad it died a quick death after we bought it. BOOO!

 

 

Because he'd been at home the last few years it was a huge adjustment for him AND me. I had gotten used to him being the one to cook and clean, so when he wasn't home I had to teach myself how to cook for the first time! Bless his heart, Manly ate a LOT of chicken for a while, but I finally learned. Now I'm a better cook than he is! Just ask the kids! Ha!

 

One of the most precious moments of our time there was when Manly took Lulu to the father daughter dance. Such a SWEET moment!!

 

Manly also taught Lulu to ride a bike!

 



We also found out that Olivia was having food allergy problems in this time. She was allergic to milk, wheat, soy, eggs, and a slew of other things. That meant our diet really had to change. It was REALLY hard for a while, but it paid off. A year and a half later she outgrew it and was able to go back to eating whatever she wanted.

Snow White with her poison apple.

 

At around 14 weeks I started having contractions. At first I just thought that they were from me being sick all the time, and I guess they could have been, but they stayed with me the rest of my pregnancy. At my 36 week check-up(when I was actually 35w 6d) I told my doctor that I really felt like something wasn't quite right, and that I felt like I was probably going to have the baby soon. She checked me and I was dilated to 4. She acted like it wasn't that big of a deal and sent me home. That night, after cleaning the carpets, I laid down still feeling like something wasn't quite right. I was up about an hour later with hard contractions 2 minutes apart.

Me after my last doctor appointment the day before KK was born. Yes, I was HUGE!!

 

We loaded up and went to the hospital where KK was born about 5 hours later. I'm not going to retell her entire birth story now, but you can go here to read it. If you've never read the story I'd love for you to hop over and read that story first...The long and the short of it is that KK was born with severe RDS. Her lungs were matured to that of a 34 week baby. She had to be moved from the hospital where I delivered her to an NICU at a nearby hospital. She stayed two weeks in the hospital. It was the most traumatic time of our marriage, but it was in those moments of not knowing if our baby was going to live that God brought us closer together than we ever had been before. God used that tragedy of KK's scary birth to teach us to trust in Him and in each other.

My first moment with my KK. This was before they realized she wasn't breathing correctly.

Bringing Olivia in to see her sister. She said, "Oh momma! I LOVE your baby!"

KK on her worst day. She started retaining fluids and swelled up really badly.

The day we brought our girl home. EVERYONE was happy!

 

The next few months are a blur. We were told by all of KK's doctors that she would need to be kept at home for several months, so that's just what we did. We wanted to give her the best start at life. She remained healthy, and still to this day is the healthiest of all my kids.

My babies.

 

Manly and KK.

 

Momma and KK.

 

KK has always had eyes filled with wonder.

 



KK loves music. Even from a REALLY early age she would figure out how to make music.

 

She quickly showed us that she was going to be NOTHING like Olivia. This baby cried all. day. long. She was unhappy 24-7 for her first 4 months. FINALLY at her 4 month WCC I looked at her ped with blood-shot eyes and said, "Is there ANYTHING else I can do for her to get her to stop crying?!!" He told me to try giving her formula. He said maybe it was a discontentment with my milk. When I tried what he said it made an overnight difference, but she was still a very difficult baby.
In this time, we really struggled with finding a home church. We went to several of the HUNDREDS of churches in NWA, but never really found a place where we felt at home. Finally, Manly decided that we should do home church. Looking back, I know that he was following the Lord's calling, but it was SO tough for me because I felt cut off from the human world. The only time we got out was to go walk the halls of the mall, or to go to the library. We struggled with doing home church for almost a year.

We did a study on the armor of God with Lulu.

We had a special service for Manly when he was ordained as a minister.

 



I was lonely and sad and missing my mom and friends. It was the HARDEST time in our marriage. I missed my husband who was working so hard to provide and to finish school. My kids missed their daddy. Poor KK started calling the phone "dada" because she really thought that Manly was only in the phone! It was just a TOUGH time all around.

After KK was born I chopped ALL of my hair off. I needed something REALLY easy.

 

A shopping and fun girl day visit from my mom, granny, and sister.

 

Visits from Nana and Pop must include a makeover for Pop! Ha! These visits helped us make it through that time a little easier.

 

Nana and Pop with their babies. Lulu is sporting a classic Mia face!

 

Popsicle break. 

 

We also made lots of trips to visit my parents. In one of our visits we wanted to prove to my parents that their doggie door was big enough for a man to crawl through. Manly proved our theory to be correct. Then we all did it! Ha!

 

Visiting with Gigi!

 

The view isn't bad driving back and forth from NWA.

 

We also struggled with the fact that we had now bore two children born with breathing issues. After talking to one of the NICU doctors we felt like it was a bad idea to ever have any more kids as he said it was hard to tell, but that it seemed like it was something that wasn't going to get better-but worse. We simply COULD NOT imagine having another baby and it being worse than it was with KK, so we decided(when she was about 6 months old) that we were probably not going to have any other children. It was heartbreaking! I remember feeling like was making the decision out of fear, but not knowing what else we could do.
But OH how I loved having two girls! It was the sunshine in my rainy season! As they grew so did my love for them. We spent days playing outside, dressing up, listening to music, laughing, and learning. It was just the three of us most of the time, so we were really close. I look back on those times longingly sometimes because it was just so simple. If we wanted to spend the morning playing in the bathtub we would.

Lulu and momma with bunny glasses.

 

Me and my girls.

 

Blue Bathing Beauties. This picture makes me think of Mia and Eli!!

 

The girls! I think this was Mother's Day 2007.

 

Piano playing girls.

 

KK started playing as soon as she could reach her little hand up to play it!

Fourth of July sweeties.

 

This clown wig was around FOREVER! I got it half price at the dollar store after Halloween one year. HA!

 

Momma with her girls at the grape festival. It has to be said that NWA does have some of the best FREE activities of any place in the state. 

 

The girls loving on each other and watching a movie on our tiny tv.

 

Sweet tea party.

 

That smile! Those cheeks! ADORABLE!

I also had a hard time living in the country. City life truly is the life for me! I killed so many snakes while we lived there it isn't even funny! I even remember CATCHING a mouse in our house in a wipe container and throwing it out into the yard! We would also have horses and cows get lose in our yard from time to time. For normal people this is no big deal, but for this country-hating -girl it was the end of the world! Ha! I'd just slam the door and keep everyone inside until Manly and the rest of his family could get them back in their fences. Oh boy! I hated everything about being in the country...Ehhh....

One of the bigger snakes that I slayed(sorry for posting this picture, but I was a little PROUD of my kill! Ha!). This is without the head section...

 

Feeding our leftover veggie scraps to the horses. Lulu LOVED these horses.

 

Lulu also loved outdoor picnics with WATERMELON!

 

Our pumpkins. Manly is so creative and smart. Love that man.

 

Our FAVORITE family memory from living in NWA is the "doughnut barn." We went to this place EVERY single Saturday. The owners knew us by name. My hips are still trying to recover from that time in my life. HAHA! 

This is a bridge that Manly built when he was a kid with his boy scout troop. One of the cool things about living up there was that he was able to show the girls some things from his childhood.

 

The other great thing about living in the country was the amazing backdrop! This was our backyard!

 

Such sweet memories of my big girls!

Another of my most favorite Lulu pictures!

Have I mentioned I love this man! Such an amazing dad even when he was about to fall over from lack of sleep!

My beautiful KK in a rare moment of NOT crying. You can tell she's recovering though. Ha!

 

It should be mentioned that I was so thankful for the time that God had us in NWA. Manly got an amazing education, we met some great friends, and reconnected with old ones, and we were close to his family. The Lord used this time in our life to put us right at the edge of our limit so that we would trust him with our family. He grew my relationship with Manly so much. I needed to leave and cleave. Something that may be hard for every young woman who gets married and moves straight out of their parents home and into her husbands arms. It was a tough transition for me, but the move up there was worth the boost in trust I got in my marriage relationship.
As the year passed and the next year was rocking along I got a feeling deep inside that wouldn't go away. I kept hearing the Lord saying, "Have FAITH in me! Trust me!" About what, Lord? By this time, KK was almost a year old, and we had gotten rid of almost all the baby stuff. Having another baby was NOT on my radar, but all the sudden there I was, wanting a baby...