It seems any time I mention the Duggar family I get a slew of comments and everyone shares their thoughts.
Because we don't use birth control and have "a lot"(I didn't know 4 kids was a lot, but whatever) of kids, we often get to hear EVERYONE talk about this precious family.
Now I'd like to share my thoughts. Take them or leave them, but it's my blog.
Do I want 18 kids? No. The Duggar's do though and what they do with their fertility is NO ONE'S business.
Do I think having 18 kids is stupid? No. They have worked their butts off to provide for them. Yes, I'm sure they get a lot of donations, but so do people with multiples and other families. The point is they don't live off of donations and contributions. I'm sure their new found TLC fame helps with this. They don't take advantage of anyone though.
Do I think they should stop? No. People always ask me if they are going to stop like I know them personally because we are like minded. Dang. I guess that means I should know Paula Dean because I also like fattening food. That'd be awesome! We did live close to them when we were living in NWA, but I've never met them before. I did see her at Hobby Lobby once though! I almost cried! HA! The point on this one is that even if I did know them I wouldn't think they needed to stop and I wouldn't know WHEN they are going to stop, because their fertility is THEIR business. Are you getting me??
Do I like it that everyone always starts to talk about the Duggar's when I(not by choice) have to talk about MY fertility? NO. I actually HATE it. I don't like being stereotyped. I don't like it that as soon as they say, "OH!! You guys are going to be like that one family! What's their names? OH yeah, the Duggar's!! You gonna have 20 kids too?!!" That they immediately start telling me how dumb they are because they have so many children.
Something else that seems to happen is this. People who have done things the "normal" way just don't understand things done any other way. Because of that they assume that the not normal way is weird and dumb and not the way to go. I would NEVER tell them that they needed to stop using birth control and start having babies. I know that the way we do things is different. George Washington Carver says that, "When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world." That statement is so true about having babies. Me out in public with my kids gets attention. People say things like, "poor you." "WHY?" "Are they all yours?" "Are you done yet?" These are all just the strangers. I understand that our decision makes us vulnerable for comments. I just wish that people would filter what they say. I'm OK with it, by the way. If it's the price to pay for having my children, I'm cool with that.
I think that my children are blessings from God. They've been used to show me so many of His attributes and I wouldn't take our decision to have them back. EVER.
Is it easy? HECK NO! Is it fun? SOMETIMES. Not all the time. I have three kids under 5 and one on the way. Do we agree with everything the Duggar's believe? No. There are lots of things that we differ on, but one thing stands the same. God is the leader of our homes and with Him at the head we really don't have anything to worry about. God has and will continue to provide for our family and the Duggar family. When God leads He ALWAYS provides. We KNOW that because of our dependence on Him and trust in Him, He will keep filling our home with beautiful children and keep filling our fridge with yummy food.
SO, this post has been a lot of thoughts. MY thoughts. Don't be a hater. It's not nice.=)
The bottom line is that nothing you say to us or any other family(including the Duggar's) is EVER going to change our minds about the way our family grows. You might as well keep your words to yourself and follow the advice of Thumper the Rabbit. If you can't say something nice. Don't say nothin' at all!
If you'd like more information on the Duggar family you can go here or buy their book. It's fantastic for ANYONE to read.
If you'd like more information on MY family. Keep reading.
I have to say I'm sick of hearing people comment about the fertility choices of families such as the Duggars or of other families with a larger than "normal" number of children. That's really not fair to those being slammed. As Christians, I would think we'd be aware of the fact that Psalm 127 is in the Bible, and, (uh, oh) STILL APPLIES! If you don't know it says, "Children are a REWARD from GOD...BLESSED is the one who has his quiver full of them" While full for one family may be 2 or 3, and for the Duggars is 18 or more, that's FINE!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were attacked because you delight to have a family pleasing God, and being content in His will. May this be the last time!
Enjoy your quiver!
Hey just to let you in on a little secret, if I didn't get "fixed" after they finished my c-section with Paris, we would have another baby. I thought about it long and hard and thought I made the right choice. But I have been thinking for months it was a mistake. I messed up and now i can't have any more. I just want one more. :(
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post. I deal with a lot of negativity from people I have told some of my co-teachers that I want to have a big family. It's sad that everyone thinks that their advice is (a) wanted and (b) valid. I don't want to listen to some mother who works 40 hours a week and drops their ONE child off at daycare, has a housecleaner, and goes to the gym until 8pm before picking up the kid about how difficult it will be to have a big family!
ReplyDeleteIt's a prideful assumption to think you can just 'have kids' and 'stop having kids' merely because you want it to be that way. I think it's great that you and Scotty have decided not to use contraceptives--God, in His Sovereignty, will not be suprised or overburdened by one more Smittle entereing the world. He has, does, and always will provide for those who are faithful! :)
AMEN sista!! Way to vent (in a completely healthy and legitimate way).
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. We too have dealt with similar comments but now that we have two and they are a little older, I don't get it so much...other than people commenting on how close in age they are. I know if I were pregnant right now we would be getting the exact same comments as you. So weird how people are like that. Its like one or two is the magic number or something.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had such a no-good-terrible-bad day yesterday. Way to survive sister!! *hug*
By the way, I wish I were pregnant right now... :) I know more babies will come in God's timing though...
ReplyDeleteFrom someone with no kids, I have to say I agree with you. I'm like you in that I don't agree with some of the ideas and habits of the Duggars, but can't figure out why American freaks out that one family has 18 kids. I mean, I'm pretty sure they aren't living on tax payers' dollars, so why does everyone care? I, myself, do NOT want 18 kids, but I'm not freaking out over someone who does. And once again, like you, I wonder why fertility and birth control plans have become a common topic that people feel they can discuss freely. Seriously?? Birth control is not really something I would consider as a good topic for casual lunch conversation. And it's not like the question "Where do you get your hair cut?" or "Do you know what grocery store has the best price on ground round?" Call me silly, but I always thought it was a bit personal.....but what do I know? I'm not married. :) Thanks for the post, Leslie!!
ReplyDeleteLove the Duggars! :)
ReplyDeleteI love the Duggers too! We have four kids and if I had a dollar for everytime I heard "Do you know whats causeing that" We would be rich...LOL OR "Are they ALL yours?" I could go on and on... Great Post!
ReplyDeletei am so glad to read this. it makes me happy to read someone who can articulate so well what i am feeling right now. the other night at work a lady who's daughter was having a baby asked me how far along i was, how many kids i had, how old they were... when i told her this would be my 4th kid under 5 year old she raised her eyebrows in surprise, then frowned, then shrugged and said "well, i guess it will be okay." as politely as i could, i said "well, since you approve, i guess i'll go ahead and have my baby." i can not stand everyone's unsolicted condolences (oh you poor dear, was this planned? i am so sorry!) and advice (i'd reconsider that whole no birthcontrol thing after this one if i were you! you don't want to end up like the duggers?!). so, i am glad to read what you said. i wholeheartedly admire the duggers for their devotion to God and their family. and though i don't know how many kids God has planned for my family, i take it as a compliment when people say i'll end up like them. i hope my kids are that well behaved!
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